the life of hers

socially challenged, socially inept, social anxiety, sign me up for all of them YES so fun

I’m feeling isolated or maybe it’s lonely? i say isolated cause i feel like it’s partly self-inflicted. i hate this feeling. i hate that in the pinnacle moments when i need reassurance or love i often feel everything is working against me, or it feels as if everything is falling down all at once as if bc one person has shown their true perception of me, it someone has spread in a millisecond to the rest of community. i wonder why though? is it because of the person? do i put too much weight on them? am i lacking something?

thebearseasontwo:
whenever you feel like the ugliest girl on earth just wash your hair
we could all use the reminder

i would really like to work on leading against my anxiety, i’ve realized a lot of my first instincts and therefore actions are done in anxious thought. and i want to give myself the space to make sense of my thoughts? for someone who raves about being self-aware, i think im just actually self-conscious?
and i understand and don’t blame myself for having anxiety but i also think it’s hindering me. a shit ton. like not being able to call your friends is weird man. it’s like okay, you have an awkward call, but that shouldn’t overweight speaking to friends you haven’t seen in over years.
i just think i really hold myself back.

it just feels like everyone’s got their weird traits that’s off-putting, cause at this rate im not gonna have any friends left, but i guess its also a sweet thing cause it means they’re being vulnerable, and we get to see flaws and love them regardless

I feel like I’ve been pretending or act like the closest version to the person they know me as and I just feel like an absolute fraud

I just wanted to be treated and handled with care and softness and true love and empathy

notathingbutadream:
i just know this is going to BREAK me when it ends
God, I only wish that I never give anyone so much power over my life, especially someone so…faint?
1. i definitely had on rose-colored glasses, and I don’t blame myself for it, and part of me even knew there was some delusion to my perspective…and funny enough the parts that i was and still partly am sour about was the fact he decided to call it off, as opposed to grieving myself and the parts that ive lost to him…it just feels as if this was God the more i think about it…i think this was the only way i was ever going to lose that perspective, but also the only way he could get himself out of this situation… this brings me closer to thought that God really has everything set in stone? there are just some things that just really feel like they were meant to happen? in the exact order, way, manner it did.
2. i barely knew the guy, but i mean i was just so fucking obsessed with the concept that i could honestly be the main character, or be loved or seen by a boy, as if i could just put all my insecurities to rest. and honestly, i have to admit that i’ve gained more confidence over my body and self but at the same time, gained new ones. and this just reinforces my belief that life is all about balance, the yin and yang.

i swear to god i have some deep-rooted trauma with isolation because the way i’m spiraling bc of some distance w some friends is fucking bonkers

i just want to be at a place where he no longer exists to me as the person he use to be, i want to burn every fucking memory etched because it feels like fraud

i just don’t want to recognize the person that would get herself in such a situation, like i want to be so far removed from being someone that dates someone like him, or would even fuck consider or make him think he came consider me, fuck that shit

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